Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
