Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
