I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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