Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
