I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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