So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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