Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
