Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
