I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
