Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
how does that bad decision feel?
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