Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
