I think im going to throw up on grandma
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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