I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
