batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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