I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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