I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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