have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
