Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
