My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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