So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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