He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
