I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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