Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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