Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
