a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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