if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
