My balls are so social today.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
