dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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