hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
