Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
