...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
