matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
