I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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