I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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