I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
