I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
