I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
