I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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