Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
