I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
