Please don't use social media to get back at me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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