So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
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Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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