This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
