We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
