can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
