I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
