no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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