dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
