i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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