make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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