I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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