i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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