dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize