allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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