There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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