oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
