I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
