so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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