I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
