couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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