He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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