My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
