just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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