I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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