I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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