the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
