I will die if light touches me.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
