Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
