Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
