Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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