I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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