All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
