I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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