I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
