Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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